Life’s Sweet Melody

It’s the only way I feel right now about the boy’s visit.  They’ll be here in a few hours and I can’t even claim to be excited or anxious.  I thought by now I would be feeling something else.  Oddly enough I want to feel guilty about feeling nothing about their visit but I don’t even feel that.  The visit is only a week this year.  After three summers of five to six week visits it is a huge change to only have a week visit.  I hope it goes well and yet the realist in my thinks back over the past visits and remembers the many issues and the phone calls that followed after they went home.

Sad…when my journey as a stepmom began I had such hopes of us having a good relationship despite the difference.  I wanted them to feel no matter where we lived that our home was their home away from home.  My only hope this year is that the visit goes much better so future years will find me with some sense of excitement or happiness for their visits instead of the numbness which surrounds me right now.

Last night I was trying on my bridesmaid’s dress.

Rabbit Trail…What a nightmare to get this dress…I will never set foot in our local David’s Bridal again and will have strong reservations about setting foot in any other David’s Bridal for that matter!  It took the bride calling after I tried to resolve a bad situation and then she went to visit them in person.  Otherwise I wouldn’t have had my dress in time to have it altered for the wedding…despite ordering it 4 & 1/2 months before the wedding date with a promise of it being at the store by May 22nd…she’s getting married on 7/4.

Back to the giggles story….

As I’m zipping up the dress in our bathroom off the master bedroom I hear little feet walking into the bedroom.  I turn to see Miss K minus the dress and pull up she had on just a couple minutes before…yep, naked.  She looked at me, smiled, held her arms open and said “Ta da”.  She was so proud of herself, she had even put her pull up in the trash like we’ve taught her when she uses the potty. I couldn’t help but laugh…oh how this story is going to haunt her one day!

My dearest daughter,

Yesterday was your second birthday.  I can hardly believe it’s already been two years, the time is going by too fast.  We had your Nonna & Pappy, your Uncle C & his family and your honorary Uncle A over for a small birthday party complete with an Elmo cake.  You had so much fun playing and loved all of your gifts.  Your favorite was a small baby doll from Nonna & Pappy.  Lately you’ve been drawn into baby dolls and playing mommy to them.  You love to feed them, put them “Night night” and carry them around.  You’re such a good little mommy.

You keep us busy with your constant energy.  You have developed a stubborn streak and will sometimes ignore us when we are telling you not do something.  Timeout is something you hate…you cry every time we put you in timeout.  Determination is a word which fits you so well.  When you want to accomplish something you try very hard to do it on your own before asking for help.

Loving is another word which describes you.  You give hugs and kisses and still like to cuddle when you first get up in the morning or from your naps.  I love those few minutes of snuggle time with you.

You are starting to use more words even if they aren’t always so clear.  Your sign language is also still very present in your language skills.  It’s amazing to watch both your verbal and sign language skills develop side by side.  It’s clear you understand what we say.  You’re skilled now as well at communicating what you want even if it takes us a few moments to understand it. Your beautiful eyes look at me and you take my hand and say come…my heart melts, and I follow you to whatever it is you want to show me.

I love your quiet giggles and your loud laughter.  Both make me laugh! Your beautiful baby curls in your hair are a treasure I enjoy while they last.  I take in the moments of your bath and how you practically swim in the tub.  I still take moments to watch you sleep.  The moments go so fast and I just want to take as many of them in as possible.  Your face is so angelic and peaceful while you sleep.

You love to climb into mommy & daddy’s bed at some point during the night or early morning.  Every few months we say we’re going to work on getting you stay in your own bed but somehow we don’t manage to follow through for very long.  We both know the time is so short…a few years goes by quickly and while we don’t sleep quite as well when you’re in bed we enjoy having you close.

My sweet love you are a treasure to your daddy & me.  You are everything I wished and prayed for in a daughter and more.  I love being your mom.  The last two years have been a treasure and I’m looking forward to many more with you.

All my love,

Mom

I’ve kept busy over the last couple of weeks.  Hubby has worked crazy hours trying to meet a deadline which was at 4 a.m. this morning.  Read more…

Photography…I’ve had a love of photography since I was young.  My introduction into photography was through my dad who always had a camera in his hand when I was a little girl.  As I grew I knew my father loved photography but he never pursued it too far.  He had a film SLR and would do a few things but didn’t go as far as additional lenses or filters.  During high school and my couple years of college I had friends who were also into photography.  I loved looking at their photos and listening to the stories behind the photographs. Read more…

Before I start let me give a big thanks to all you ladies for encouraging me.  Your comments really mean a lot to me!

A special thank you goes to Brandie, after reading your comment Baby K is now know as Miss K.  Thank you for solving my quandary!
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It’s been about two months since my last post.  I’ve been battling back and forth with myself…to blog or not to blog…rather to keep blogging or to not keep blogging.  Honestly, I still haven’t made up my mind.  Sometimes I feel like I need to censor myself.  I worry about offending people or making someone upset.  Silly I suppose since it is my blog for the purpose of expressing myself.  Really it’s likely the need to feel accepted by other individuals rather than rejected. Read more…

The last week and a half while stressful have held a really pleasant surprise for me.  Hubby has been incredibly helpful around the house.  If I cook dinner he has usually cleaned up the kitchen afterwards.  He has also been helping out around the house more.  One of my favorite changes has been in the morning.  He has been helping with getting “us” ready as a family to get out the door.  There isn’t anymore of the get his stuff ready and he’s out the door to work.  Now he is helping with making sure we are all ready to go, including Baby K, and we leave the house together.  It is such a nice, welcomed change.

The house still stays a little messier than I’d like during the week but now it’s live-able because I have help.  I don’t mind the little things here or there because I know Hubby is pitching in so it isn’t like it’s all on me.  Fridays are still usually my “whip it into shape” sessions so the house gets into the condition I really like for at least a few hours each week.  But I find it doesn’t eat at me the way it used to.  I think between our conversations, Hubby’s efforts and the household chores list we may have finally found a balance…one that was much needed!

I am using a little of what could be considered somewhat strong language in comparison to my normal blogs.  If you are easily offended you are warned.

Hubby and I have the night “off” since Baby K is spending the night with my parents.  We went out to dinner to enjoy some adult time together since we haven’t had the opportunity to have dinner by ourselves since the first night he came back from Germany.  While at dinner Hubby shared with me something his mom told him on the phone today.  I’ve been simmering ever since… Read more…

Last week was…well, it was.  Let’s just say Hubby’s first week back was not the best of times in our marriage.  Read more…